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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Royals Told Not To Get Uniforms Dirty

KANSAS CITY—Before taking the field last Wednesday for their game against the Minnesota Twins, Kansas City Royals manager Trey Hillman reportedly instructed his players not to get dirt, dust, grass, tobacco juice, or sweat on their uniforms, as the team can no longer afford to do laundry after each game. "Apparently it's too expensive to get the stains out of these all-white one-size-fits-all jobs, especially since we're only getting one each this year," said third baseman Alex Gordon while reciting other new team rules, which include sharing the team's three batting helmets, conserving eye black, and bringing their own bags of rosin from home. "Not that getting our uniforms dirty has really been a problem." The Royals are looking forward to their upcoming road trip where they can wear their freshly cleaned away uniforms, even though the team has to take turns driving to Seattle.

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