adBlockCheck

Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
End Of Section
  • More News

Royals Unable To Find Themselves In Standings

KANSAS CITY, MO—Players and executives with the 16-11 Royals filed a grievance with MLB officials Tuesday after they could not find themselves anywhere in the league's official standings. "We looked in all the usual places: third place, fourth place, even fifth place, and we didn't see our name anywhere," said Royals GM Dayton Moore, who added that he even peeked at the AL West standings to see if perhaps the team had been moved to a different division. "I could have sworn we'd been playing really well this year. Why would Commissioner Selig try to hide us? Did we do something wrong? Let me see that paper again." Moore explained that he and everyone in the front office were "very curious" to see Kansas City's other baseball team, which is currently in first place.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close