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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Rude Guy Unfortunately Says Something Funny

LOWELL, MA—Coworkers having a drink Friday at the Blue Shamrock Pub reported feeling disgusted with themselves for laughing—and in some cases even cracking up—at a remark made by an obnoxious member of the group whose behavior up to that point had been worthy of scorn and dismay. "Why did that jerk have to go and say something so goddamn hilarious?" said a crestfallen Dennis Gladstone, who shook his head as he acknowledged that the comment had caused him to chuckle audibly, thereby validating the total prick. "Now that we've all laughed it up with that asshole, he'll probably want to come out drinking with us all the time." According to reporters, Gladstone then paused, giggled to himself, and said, "Fuck me!"

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