Rude Guy Unfortunately Says Something Funny

In This Section

Vol 45 Issue 45

College Freshman Makes Triumphant Return To High School

COCONUT CREEK, FL—"I'm back, Bayshore High," 18-year-old Henry Doyle announced as he pulled his mother's Toyota Camry slowly into the parking lot normally reserved for faculty, emerging with a knowing grin. "Bet you never thought you'd see the likes of me again!"

Just Area Man's Luck

KENOSHA, WI—Amid questions as to why this kind of shit always happens to him, area resident Patrick Kennedy told reporters Monday it was...

Ohio Legalized Casinos

Voters in Ohio approved a plan to open casinos in the state's four largest cities. What do you think?
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Race Relations

Fun

  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Rude Guy Unfortunately Says Something Funny

LOWELL, MA—Coworkers having a drink Friday at the Blue Shamrock Pub reported feeling disgusted with themselves for laughing—and in some cases even cracking up—at a remark made by an obnoxious member of the group whose behavior up to that point had been worthy of scorn and dismay. "Why did that jerk have to go and say something so goddamn hilarious?" said a crestfallen Dennis Gladstone, who shook his head as he acknowledged that the comment had caused him to chuckle audibly, thereby validating the total prick. "Now that we've all laughed it up with that asshole, he'll probably want to come out drinking with us all the time." According to reporters, Gladstone then paused, giggled to himself, and said, "Fuck me!"

Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More