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Rumsfeld Wearing Same Shirt For Fourth Straight Day

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Trump Casually Informs Pence He Going To Make One Or Two Appearances During Speech

CLEVELAND—Pulling his running mate aside backstage at the Republican National Convention just minutes before the Indiana governor was scheduled to formally accept the party’s vice presidential nomination, GOP candidate Donald Trump casually informed Mike Pence that he would probably make one or two quick appearances during the Midwestern conservative’s headlining speech tonight.

‘Heed My Tragic Story Well, Friends, For You Could Just As Easily Be Me,’ Says Chris Christie In Haunting RNC Speech

CLEVELAND—A thrall sweeping over the assembled GOP officials and party members Tuesday as he recounted his chilling tale of hubris, New Jersey governor Chris Christie reportedly entreated those at the Republican National Convention to consider the sad story of his own dizzying rise and ignominious fall, offering a bitter warning to all in attendance that his terrible fate could befall any one of them.
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Rumsfeld Wearing Same Shirt For Fourth Straight Day

WASHINGTON, DC—According to Pentagon sources, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld has been wearing the same slightly dingy white Arrow Oxford shirt for four straight days. "I can tell it's the same one, because he got a drop of chili on it last Friday, and the spot is still there," Deputy Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz said Monday. "I know Don's a busy guy, but it's really starting to look bad. I mean, it's all pitted out and everything." Wolfowitz added that Rumsfeld has worn the same pair of black wingtips "since we drove the Taliban out of Afghanistan."

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