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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Running Back Finds Self In Alternate Universe After Offensive Line Opens Up Black Hole

PITTSBURGH—The Steelers' Rashard Mendenhall has been stranded in a neighboring space-time continuum after particularly solid blocking by guard Ramon Foster and tackle Flozell Adams opened up a massive black hole in the Jets defense, which Mendenhall ran through for a huge interdimensional gain Sunday. "We're particularly concerned about his health due to the gravitic flux that discharges across the black hole's event horizon," said head coach Mike Tomlin, who called a time-out when Mendenhall translated out of our universe and sent the team's medical staff to wait at the edge of the singularity's accretion disc, but to no avail. "All we can do now is wait and hope that the alternate Steelers playing on the O-line in that version of Heinz Field can open up a hole big enough to bring him home." Although NFL rules state that the yardage gained on trans-dimensional plays is considered infinite, any gain by Mendenhall was wiped out by a holding call on center Doug Legursky.

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