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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Running Back Interested In Going In Different Directions After Learning To Cut

NASHVILLE, TN—Claiming the discovery will take him places he hadn’t thought possible, rookie Tennessee Titans running back Bishop Sankey told reporters Wednesday that after recently learning to cut, he plans on using the newfound skill to run in many different directions in the future. “Before this, I would just aim for the middle of the end zone and hope I’d make it all the way through, but now, I have so many new directions to explore,” said Sankey, adding that the best part of cutting is that it allows one to change direction right in the middle of a play. “It opens up a lot of opportunities—I can go left, right, even backwards. My favorite is forward diagonal left, but coach [Ken Whisenhunt] says we’ll wait a while before using that one in a game. I’m still getting the hang of this whole thing.” At press time, a visibly flustered Sankey was struggling while attempting to cut in a way that would launch himself straight up into the air.

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