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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Running Back Interested In Going In Different Directions After Learning To Cut

NASHVILLE, TN—Claiming the discovery will take him places he hadn’t thought possible, rookie Tennessee Titans running back Bishop Sankey told reporters Wednesday that after recently learning to cut, he plans on using the newfound skill to run in many different directions in the future. “Before this, I would just aim for the middle of the end zone and hope I’d make it all the way through, but now, I have so many new directions to explore,” said Sankey, adding that the best part of cutting is that it allows one to change direction right in the middle of a play. “It opens up a lot of opportunities—I can go left, right, even backwards. My favorite is forward diagonal left, but coach [Ken Whisenhunt] says we’ll wait a while before using that one in a game. I’m still getting the hang of this whole thing.” At press time, a visibly flustered Sankey was struggling while attempting to cut in a way that would launch himself straight up into the air.

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Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

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