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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Rural South Dakotan Walks Away From First Encounter With Jewish Man, Shaken But Unharmed

SELBY, SD—According to local resident Hank Tyson's firsthand account, the 51-year-old service-shop owner was left rattled but unharmed Wednesday after engaging in small talk with a man who turned out to be Jewish. "It seemed like any other conversation at first, but once I realized he was Jewish, I could feel my blood pressure go up and everything started moving in slow motion," said Tyson, claiming the sequence of events that followed "felt like some kind of awful dream," from the man's subtle gesturing to his repeated questions about how to get to I-94. "You never think anything like this will happen to you until it does." Following the encounter, Tyson drove home, kissed his wife, and told his children he loved them.

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