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Rush Limbaugh Tucks Shirt Back In Following Animated Flat Tax Rant

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Trump Casually Informs Pence He Going To Make One Or Two Appearances During Speech

CLEVELAND—Pulling his running mate aside backstage at the Republican National Convention just minutes before the Indiana governor was scheduled to formally accept the party’s vice presidential nomination, GOP candidate Donald Trump casually informed Mike Pence that he would probably make one or two quick appearances during the Midwestern conservative’s headlining speech tonight.

‘Heed My Tragic Story Well, Friends, For You Could Just As Easily Be Me,’ Says Chris Christie In Haunting RNC Speech

CLEVELAND—A thrall sweeping over the assembled GOP officials and party members Tuesday as he recounted his chilling tale of hubris, New Jersey governor Chris Christie reportedly entreated those at the Republican National Convention to consider the sad story of his own dizzying rise and ignominious fall, offering a bitter warning to all in attendance that his terrible fate could befall any one of them.
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Rush Limbaugh Tucks Shirt Back In Following Animated Flat Tax Rant

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—While ferociously laying into what he calls the "liberal jihad against the flat tax," conservative pundit and talk radio host Rush Limbaugh dislodged his shirt from the waistband of his pants Tuesday, leaving it to flap wildly about his midsection for the rest of his impassioned four-minute tirade. "Hrrp—hrrp," a panting Limbaugh said before sitting back down, wiping off the microphone, and taking a moment to swallow the thick, viscous phlegm he had inadvertently dislodged during the heated monologue. "It just defies all logic how—hhugh.... Is that blood?" On the advice of his producer, Limbaugh quickly drank a glass of water and ate a banana before addressing Obama's failed commerce secretary appointees.

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