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Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
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Ryan Braun Desperate To Regain Trust Of Fans Before Cheating Again

MILWAUKEE—Having been recently reinstated after completing a 65-game suspension for violating Major League Baseball’s drug policy, Milwaukee Brewers right fielder Ryan Braun told reporters Thursday he is desperate to win back the trust of baseball fans before he starts cheating again. “First and foremost, I have to rebuild my reputation before I even consider going back to using banned substances,” said the former National League MVP, adding that prior to resuming his use of performance-enhancing drugs, he is intent on proving to millions of fans that he is a clean, honest athlete. “I’ve made some pretty shameful mistakes in the past, but I look at this season as a fresh start and an opportunity to truly earn the support of the great fans in Milwaukee. Then I’ll make them look like total fucking idiots when I get caught using PEDs again and am kicked out of baseball for the rest of my life.” Braun later admitted to reporters that he will continue his mission to rebuild the trust of baseball fans until midway through the season, at which point he will start using steroids again no matter what.

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