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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.
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Ryan Handed Romney's Latest Political Positions Before Walking On Stage

DANVILLE, KY—Moments before walking onstage for tonight’s vice presidential debate, Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI) was handed a revised list of his running mate Mitt Romney’s most up-to-date political principles and stances on various issues. “So our agenda no longer includes legislation that would restrict women’s access to abortion, though we do support using an executive order to prohibit federally funded international nonprofits from providing abortion in other countries—got it. Do we still believe health insurance providers should have the right to deny contraceptive coverage? Hold on a sec,” Ryan said to advisers while furiously memorizing the 10-page briefing, the fifth packet of agenda revisions he had received from Romney since noon. “Wait just one minute and okay, okay…done.” According to sources, Ryan’s handlers then shepherded the congressman onto the debate stage, where he greeted his opponent with an expressionless nod.

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