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Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.
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Ryan Leaf Somehow Worse At Crime Than Football

HELENA, MT—Criminal and football analysts announced Monday that, in light of his second arrest for felony burglary in just four days, former NFL quarterback Ryan Leaf is now officially performing even worse as a criminal than he did as a disastrous No. 2 draft pick for the San Diego Chargers. "Make no mistake, Ryan Leaf is still the worst draft bust of all time," Sports Illustrated's Peter King said. "But two arrests mere days apart for attempting to steal oxycodone from private residences when he’s already serving a 10-year probation? That is a truly remarkable achievement. Leaf is soon going to make us forget all about his football career." In related news, future NFL Hall of Famer and Super Bowl MVP Peyton Manning, the only player chosen ahead of Leaf in the 1998 draft, walked off with $250 million in a complex Monaco heist so perfect it will take casino owners weeks to realize it happened at all.

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