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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Ryan Leaf Somehow Worse At Crime Than Football

HELENA, MT—Criminal and football analysts announced Monday that, in light of his second arrest for felony burglary in just four days, former NFL quarterback Ryan Leaf is now officially performing even worse as a criminal than he did as a disastrous No. 2 draft pick for the San Diego Chargers. "Make no mistake, Ryan Leaf is still the worst draft bust of all time," Sports Illustrated's Peter King said. "But two arrests mere days apart for attempting to steal oxycodone from private residences when he’s already serving a 10-year probation? That is a truly remarkable achievement. Leaf is soon going to make us forget all about his football career." In related news, future NFL Hall of Famer and Super Bowl MVP Peyton Manning, the only player chosen ahead of Leaf in the 1998 draft, walked off with $250 million in a complex Monaco heist so perfect it will take casino owners weeks to realize it happened at all.

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