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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.
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Ryan Seacrest Nervous About How Audiences Will Respond To Slightly Shorter Haircut

BURBANK, CA—American Idol host Ryan Seacrest announced on his syndicated radio show Monday that he will unveil a slightly shorter haircut on the top-rated reality show next week. "Don't worry: It's still going to be parted slightly to the left, and it will still have blond highlights, but it will be shorter—not crazy-short, but shorter," Seacrest said. "And count on the fact that it will be spiky. Possibly even more so. Some may resent the change, but change is necessary if we want to keep Idol fresh and vital." Later that same day, Seacrest told Access Hollywood's Billy Bush that Idol fans "needn't fear" about his wardrobe, which is contractually obligated to stay stylistically unaltered through late 2008.

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