adBlockCheck

Saddam Speech Suspiciously Mentions Nelly Song From Last Summer

Top Headlines

International

ISIS Starting To Worry New Recruit Huge Psycho

RAQQA, SYRIA—Admitting that the recently arrived jihadist’s disturbing behavior was becoming a serious cause for concern, several ISIS members told reporters Friday they were starting to worry that new recruit Said Hassad was a huge psycho.

National Security Experts: ‘ISIS Are Fucking Assholes’

WASHINGTON—Updating the public about the deadly attacks carried out in Brussels yesterday by members of the Syria-based jihadist group, national security experts held a press conference in Washington this morning to notify Americans that ISIS are fucking assholes.

World Makes Final Attempt To Try To Understand This Shit

BRUSSELS—In the wake of the terrorist attacks in Brussels that left over 30 dead and more than 100 injured, an angry and frustrated global populace collectively announced Tuesday that it would make one last attempt to try to understand this shit.

A Timeline Of U.S.–Cuba Relations

As President Obama visits Cuba in an effort to restore diplomatic ties with the U.S., The Onion looks at pivotal moments in the tension-filled history of U.S.–Cuba relations.

Vatican City Residents Rally To Save St. Peter’s Basilica From Development

VATICAN CITY—Citing its historical significance and the valuable role it plays in the community, residents of Vatican City rallied this week to save St. Peter’s Basilica from being demolished as part of a development project that would convert the site into an expansive residential and retail complex, sources reported.

Saudi Authorities Decry Wasteful 3-Hour Death-Row Appeals Process

RIYADH, SAUDI ARABIA—Criticizing the amount of time and money wasted between a condemned individual’s sentencing and eventual execution, Saudi government officials expressed frustration Monday over the country’s costly three-hour appeals process for convicts facing the death penalty.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Saddam Speech Suspiciously Mentions Nelly Song From Last Summer

LANGLEY, VA—The CIA announced Monday that it suspects Saddam Hussein's latest televised address was pre-recorded, pointing to its suspiciously dated reference to Nelly's "Hot In Herre," a rap hit from the summer of 2002.

In a message believed to be pre-taped, Saddam warns the U.S. about rising heat levels in Iraq.

"For the enemy invaders of Iraq, it soon will get truly hot in here," Hussein said in the speech, which was televised worldwide Monday. "No amount of clothing removal will be sufficient to withstand the fiery inferno that awaits them on the battlefield."

Many U.S. officials have speculated that Saddam may have been killed or injured in the initial March 19 air attacks on Baghdad, suggesting that his subsequent televised speeches were recorded weeks or even months ago.

"The 'hot in here' line has definitely raised some eyebrows," CIA director George Tenet said. "However, this may not prove anything: Even though that song is nine months old, you still hear people referencing its chorus all the time. It's even in the new Chris Rock movie."

Despite the inconclusive nature of the Nelly reference, CIA analysts have found a number of other clues suggesting that the speech was not broadcast live.

"About three minutes into the speech, a man briefly walks across the screen with what appears to be a copy of Entertainment Weekly," Tenet said. "He opens the magazine and, for a split second, it's possible to faintly make out a full-page ad promoting the debut episode of The Rerun Show."

In addition to the visual evidence, Tenet cited certain tellingly dated passages from the speech.

"In one section, Saddam vowed that he would crush Bush 'like Kelly Clarkson crushing the inferior Nikki McKibbin,'" Tenet said. "He then went on to praise his elite Republican Guard, saying that they 'will leave the Americans as bewildered as Ozzy Osbourne trying to operate a television remote control.'"

The Saddam speech, CIA analysts noted, seems intentionally vague, conspicuously lacking in any specific details about the current conflict.

"Victory will soon be ours," a defiant Hussein said. "Unlike the [Major League Baseball] All-Star Game, this will not end in a tie."

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close