Saints Trip To Super Bowl Actually Best Thing That Has Ever Happened To New Orleans

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Vol 46 Issue 04

Disney Shutters Miramax

The Walt Disney Company is closing down its indie-film arm Miramax, the home of such films as The Piano and Pulp Fiction. What do...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Fantasy Sports

Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

Saints Trip To Super Bowl Actually Best Thing That Has Ever Happened To New Orleans

NEW ORLEANS—City officials confirmed Monday that the Saints' historic first-ever trip to a Super Bowl would in fact be the best thing that had happened to the city in its long and tragic history. "This is a proud town, a good town, but you have to admit that we've had many more bad times than good," said Mayor Ray Nagin, noting among other things the Battle of New Orleans, which took place unnecessarily after the War of 1812 had ended; the massive political corruption that marked most of the 20th century; the presence of Anne Rice and the resulting rise of vampire fiction; the devastation wrought by Hurricanes Betsy, Rita, and Katrina; and the establishment in the city of the New Orleans Saints, perhaps the most frustrating football team of all time. "Okay, we have a great jazz scene here, and we throw a huge annual party, but it's about time we had something more than that." Mayor Nagin also noted that it was a kind of comfort to know that, if the Saints lost the Super Bowl, it would hardly be the worst thing that had ever happened to the city.

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