adBlockCheck

Sales Manager Gets A Little Crazy At Office Party

Top Headlines

Business

How Obamacare Can Be Improved

With Aetna just the latest health insurance provider to opt out of covering Obamacare markets, many are wondering what changes can make the Affordable Care Act more appealing to customers and insurance companies. Here are some proposed improvements

How Internet Clickbait Works

Facebook and other sites have recently begun to fight back against “clickbait,” often misleading internet posts designed to be seen by as many readers as possible. The Onion breaks down the production and spread of this content

Home Depot Employee Can Tell This Customer’s First Attempt At Pipe Bomb

APPLETON, WI—Shaking his head Monday as the customer selected a length of plastic pipe over a stronger metal alternative and placed it into his shopping cart, local Home Depot sales associate Graham Warner, 57, was reportedly able to tell right away that this was the store patron’s first attempt at making a pipe bomb.

Disappointing Buffalo Wild Wings Not Living Up To Ridicule

LOS ANGELES—Describing the experience as a significant letdown, local diner Eric Tidwell told reporters that the disappointing Buffalo Wild Wings franchise he visited Thursday night failed to live up to the scorn he had long heard about the restaurant.

KFC Introduces New Previously Owned 20-Piece Hot Wings

LOUISVILLE, KY—In an effort to meet the changing demands of its consumers, fast-food chain Kentucky Fried Chicken announced Wednesday that it has begun offering customers the option of purchasing, at a significant discount, a 20-piece box of pre-owned hot wings.

Man Has Loyalty To Pretzel Brand

BROWNSVILLE, TX—Describing them as “the best pretzels out there” and “the only ones [he] buy[s],” local resident Ned Carlisle expressed his firm loyalty to Snyder’s of Hanover–brand pretzels Tuesday.

New Mountain Dew Vows To Kill 99.9% Of Stomach Bacteria

PURCHASE, NY—Touting the beverage’s refreshing citrus taste, tongue-tingling carbonation, and prescription-strength antimicrobial properties, PepsiCo officials announced Wednesday that their newest product, Mountain Dew Code White, kills 99.9 percent of consumers’ stomach bacteria.

Heart Attack A Real Wake-Up Call For Man’s Insurance Provider

HARTFORD, CT—Saying the incident had forced them to completely rethink their past decisions about the man’s coverage and how they would approach his policy from here on out, Aetna executives reported Thursday that the recent heart attack of longtime plan member Michael Burns was a real wake-up call for the 163-year-old insurance company.

Big-Box Stores Vs. Small Businesses

While massive superstores like Walmart and Target have dominated the retail landscape for years, many shoppers are rejecting them in favor of smaller, locally owned shops. Here is a side-by-side comparison of the two options:

Brita Unveils New In-Throat Water Filters

OAKLAND, CA—Representatives from Brita, the nation’s bestselling brand of household water filtration products, held a press event Wednesday to unveil a new line of filters designed to be installed directly inside users’ throats.

Woman Leaving Meeting Worried She Came Off As Too Competent

OXNARD, CA—Silently chastising herself for the way she behaved in front of her colleagues and supervisors, Cobalt Property Insurance sales associate Leah Manning, 36, was reportedly deeply worried Tuesday that she came off as too competent during the company’s weekly sales meeting.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Sales Manager Gets A Little Crazy At Office Party

SUNNYVALE, CA–Allen Wohl, a 33-year-old associate sales manager at M&H Marketing, got a little crazy at Tuesday's annual office holiday party, held from 2 to 3 p.m. in the third-floor conference room.

Sales manager Allen Wohl, whose zany behavior at a recent holiday office party was described by fellow M&H Marketing employees as "certifiable."

The combination Christmas and New Year's party, thrown in November to avoid conflicting with M&H Marketing's traditional December busy season, was highlighted by Wohl's irreverent antics, which included silly faces, impersonations of co-workers and humorous poses atop a desk.

"Allen has always been known as M&H's resident cut-up, but he really cut loose at the party," promotions coordinator Janice Larkspahr said. "At one point, he made a bullhorn out of a paper plate and sang the Gilligan's Island theme song, only he changed the lyrics to be about people in our office. You don't even want to know what he said about [senior sales manager] Richard [Stenstrup]."

"That Allen Wohl is one certified nutball," secretary Irene Utter said. "When he picked up that tray of punch cups and pretended to be a British waiter, I almost died laughing. Where does he come up with that stuff?"

Asked for comment on the incident, Wohl said, "What can I say? I'm a wild and crazy guy!"

The highlight of the party, most members of the M&H Marketing team agreed, came when Wohl presented "awards" to his co-workers.

"My certificate said 'Most Likely To Leave The Presentation On The Plane,' said sales supervisor Randall Talish, who last December left a proposal for a $26,000 Tru-Bilt Windows & Siding ad campaign on a flight from Los Angeles. "I've got to admit, he really got me good with that one. I was hoping everyone had forgotten about that goof-up by now, but leave it to Allen to give me heck."

The hour-long party, which also featured cake, soda, festive yellow streamers and a rousing game of Scattergories, was deemed a success by all.

"I was having so much fun, I almost didn't want to go back to work," associate marketing supervisor Sheila Duckett said. "Allen sure was in rare form."

Those who work closely with Wohl said the behavior was typical of the man they call "M&H's answer to Jay Leno."

"Allen's a real prankster," fellow sales manager Gene Budzig said. "I remember that one time last month, when Bill McCullers was saying all morning that he had to make sure to FedEx a proposal that day, but when he went to drop off the package, Wohl told him the FedEx guy had just left. You should've seen the look on Bill's face when Allen told him he was just kidding! Boy, was he relieved!"

In addition to playing pranks on co-workers, Wohl expresses his unorthodox personality by decorating his cubicle in an offbeat manner. Adorning his workspace is a Far Side mousepad, an Executive Stress-Relief Koosh Ball, novelty windshield-wiper sunglasses, a Dilbert screen-saver, and a framed sign that reads, "There Is No 'I' In 'Team'... But Fortunately, There Is One In 'Vacation'!"

Wohl also has an arsenal of humorous quips he has used throughout his seven years with M&H Marketing, including, "Time to make the donuts," which he proclaims upon arriving at work each morning, and "Cha-ching!" which he shouts after closing a deal with a new client.

Though M&H employees settled down and returned to their normal work routines shortly after the party, a resurgence in excitement over it is expected Friday, when office manager Jan Schenkle will get her roll of pictures back from Walgreen's. Schenkle, who is in charge of compiling the office newsletter, said she plans to display the photos on the break-room bulletin board.

"When those pictures come back, Allen is going to hear about his crazy shenanigans from everybody all over again," Schenkle said. "I just hope we got a good shot of him balancing that plate of cake on his head."

Wohl said he enjoys all the attention.

"I've always loved the spotlight," he said. "It's a real kick to be able to make your co-workers laugh. Of course, I can't be a card all the time, or our department's productivity would take a major hit. Still, it's nice to go off the deep end every once in a while."

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close