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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Salivating Andy Reid Still Chasing Perfect Seasoning

KANSAS CITY, MO—His mouth watering as he described the elusive blend of herbs, salts, and spices, Chiefs coach Andy Reid told reporters Wednesday that he was still determinedly pursuing a perfect seasoning. “A lot of things have to come together for a perfect seasoning,” said Reid, adding that his lifelong dream of tasting perfection led to countless hours of obsessive preparation and many late nights in the team’s kitchen facilities. “It needs to have a little grit, it needs to get hot at the right time, and it will only happen for a truly special meat. I’ve been close to the recipe for a perfect seasoning before—it’s actually why I moved to Kansas City.” Reid admitted that while the cook-offs were the most important goal, the Chiefs’ winning steak was “always in the back of [his] mind.”

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