Salivating Andy Reid Still Chasing Perfect Seasoning

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Vol 49 Issue 45

Onion Sports’ NFL Week 10 Picks

OSN shares its expert analysis on the teams that will come away with victory in this weekend’s NFL week 10 games: Redskins at Vikings OSN’s Lock Of The Week: Redskins – If the Redskins were to lose this game 34-27, i...

FDA To Ban All Trans Fats

The FDA proposed new guidelines that would ban nearly all artificial trans fats, which are found in products such as frosting, margarine, microwave popcorn, and frozen pizza, a measure that they say could prevent 20,000 heart attacks a year.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

Race Relations

Salivating Andy Reid Still Chasing Perfect Seasoning

KANSAS CITY, MO—His mouth watering as he described the elusive blend of herbs, salts, and spices, Chiefs coach Andy Reid told reporters Wednesday that he was still determinedly pursuing a perfect seasoning. “A lot of things have to come together for a perfect seasoning,” said Reid, adding that his lifelong dream of tasting perfection led to countless hours of obsessive preparation and many late nights in the team’s kitchen facilities. “It needs to have a little grit, it needs to get hot at the right time, and it will only happen for a truly special meat. I’ve been close to the recipe for a perfect seasoning before—it’s actually why I moved to Kansas City.” Reid admitted that while the cook-offs were the most important goal, the Chiefs’ winning steak was “always in the back of [his] mind.”

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