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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Salvadoran Earthquake Registers 0.2 On Local Man's Consciousness

PORTAGE, MI–A massive earthquake in El Salvador did not rock Walt Grella's world Saturday, measuring 0.2 on the Portage man's consciousness. "I think I heard something about that," Grella said of the Central American disaster that killed 600 and left 500 more missing and feared dead. "Yeah, it sounded kind of bad." Grella experienced no aftershocks from news of the quake, shrugging slightly before continuing with his day uninterrupted.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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