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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Sam Cassell Asks If He Can Get In On Carmelo Anthony Trade

WASHINGTON—Wizards assistant coach and former Houston Rockets guard Sam Cassell reportedly phoned his agent and several NBA front offices Monday inquiring if he could "get in on" the potential three-team deal that would send Carmelo Anthony to the New Jersey Nets. "Looks like there's a lot of guys included, so maybe I can just slide on in there," Cassell, 41, wrote in an e-mail to NBA commissioner David Stern. "Doesn't matter where I end up—Detroit, Denver, New Jersey—I'm not picky. Just, you know, make a little roster space for good old Uncle Sam is all I'm asking. What's the worst that could happen?" At press time, Cassell was constantly refreshing his e-mail awaiting a response from Stern.

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