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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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Sam Cassell Asks If He Can Get In On Carmelo Anthony Trade

WASHINGTON—Wizards assistant coach and former Houston Rockets guard Sam Cassell reportedly phoned his agent and several NBA front offices Monday inquiring if he could "get in on" the potential three-team deal that would send Carmelo Anthony to the New Jersey Nets. "Looks like there's a lot of guys included, so maybe I can just slide on in there," Cassell, 41, wrote in an e-mail to NBA commissioner David Stern. "Doesn't matter where I end up—Detroit, Denver, New Jersey—I'm not picky. Just, you know, make a little roster space for good old Uncle Sam is all I'm asking. What's the worst that could happen?" At press time, Cassell was constantly refreshing his e-mail awaiting a response from Stern.

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