adBlockCheck

Recent News

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.

How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.
End Of Section
  • More News

Samsung Smart TV Owner Learning About Majority Of Features From Leaked CIA Documents

DERRY, NH—Admitting that he never fully understood the device’s capabilities, local man Andrew Thurston told reporters Thursday that he was learning about the majority of his Samsung Smart TV’s features from the trove of CIA hacking documents released by WikiLeaks. “Until I found out the CIA can hack into the microphone to listen in on your conversations, I had no idea my TV could even do voice activation,” said Thurston, 41, who only discovered that the 46-inch Samsung UNF7500 model that he had purchased in 2013 contained a built-in camera by reading that the CIA could be using it to spy on him. “I guess they can pull your web browsing data, too—I didn’t even know I could use the TV to search the internet. I thought it was just for watching Netflix and stuff. Man, there’s probably a whole bunch of other cool stuff I don’t even know about yet.” Sources confirmed that Thurston would not learn about most of the features included in his home’s smart thermostat, smart speaker, or smart baby monitor until subsequent CIA documents were leaked.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close