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Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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Samsung Smart TV Owner Learning About Majority Of Features From Leaked CIA Documents

DERRY, NH—Admitting that he never fully understood the device’s capabilities, local man Andrew Thurston told reporters Thursday that he was learning about the majority of his Samsung Smart TV’s features from the trove of CIA hacking documents released by WikiLeaks. “Until I found out the CIA can hack into the microphone to listen in on your conversations, I had no idea my TV could even do voice activation,” said Thurston, 41, who only discovered that the 46-inch Samsung UNF7500 model that he had purchased in 2013 contained a built-in camera by reading that the CIA could be using it to spy on him. “I guess they can pull your web browsing data, too—I didn’t even know I could use the TV to search the internet. I thought it was just for watching Netflix and stuff. Man, there’s probably a whole bunch of other cool stuff I don’t even know about yet.” Sources confirmed that Thurston would not learn about most of the features included in his home’s smart thermostat, smart speaker, or smart baby monitor until subsequent CIA documents were leaked.

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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

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