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Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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San Diego Zoo Acquires Chinese Man

SAN DIEGO, CA—The San Diego Zoo, home to the world’s largest collection of animals in captivity, added its first human specimen Monday, acquiring Chinese man Xiang Zhengzhou from the Paris Metro Zoo. Zhengzhou, a Beijing native, was shipped from Paris this weekend. “We are extremely excited to have acquired Xiang,” zoo spokesperson Maria Loomis said. “He is a handsome fellow and will make a wonderful addition. He’s so playful, too—everyone on staff here just loves to watch him.” Zhengzhou, who will be renamed “Bobo,” makes his public debut April 27.

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