Sandusky Angry He's Not Going To Be Allowed To Tell The Tender, Romantic Side Of The Story

Top Headlines


Siblings Each Hoping Other One Will Take Care Of Aging Parents Someday

CLEVELAND—Explaining that they simply didn’t want to have to deal with the immense time commitment and emotional exhaustion, sisters Katie and Ellen Cattell each privately admitted to reporters this week that they were hoping the other sibling would someday be the one to take care of their aging parents.

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?

Former WWE Wrestler Found Alive At 44

PHOENIX—In a revelation that has sent shockwaves through the wrestling world, sources confirmed that former WWE wrestler Freddy Hendricks, better known as his in-ring persona “Time Bomb,” was discovered alive Friday at the age of 44.

Strongside/Weakside: Dak Prescott

Having assumed the role after Tony Romo’s injury during the preseason, Dak Prescott is expected to open the NFL regular season as the first rookie quarterback to start for the Dallas Cowboys since 2004. Is he any good?

Study: 96% Of Pickup Games Decided By Next Score

PRINCETON, NJ—Noting that none of the game’s earlier events factored into the final outcome in any way whatsoever, a study released Wednesday by researchers at Princeton University revealed that 96 percent of all pickup games are decided by the next score.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Sandusky Angry He's Not Going To Be Allowed To Tell The Tender, Romantic Side Of The Story

BELLEFONTE, PA—As jurors began deliberations Thursday on charges that he sexually abused 10 boys over a 15-year period, former Penn State coach Jerry Sandusky—who did not testify during his trial—expressed regret over being denied a chance to tell "the sweet, loving, tender, and romantic part of the story" that he felt the jury had a right to hear.

"Everything they're saying happened is just wrong," Sandusky told reporters while awaiting a verdict. "The sordid stories about the locker room shower, the terrible testimony about what happened in my basement… None of these things really expresses the depth and intensity of my feelings as I opened my heart of hearts to these kids."

"I have no idea why [defense attorney] Joe [Amendola] didn't want me to talk about that stuff," Sandusky added. "What we had together, those boys and I, was truly special to me."

Sandusky faces 48 criminal counts in the trial, and the jury heard from eight alleged victims—now ages 18 to 28—who said the coerced sexual contact with the former defensive coach ranged from kissing to fondling to showering together to forced oral and anal sex. Sandusky said he was surprised and disappointed none of the boys mentioned the beautiful, special times he tried to share with them.

"Maybe it was just me, all along," said Sandusky, burying his face in his hands. "Oh, God, it was, wasn't it? I can't believe I let myself fall for the oldest trick in the book. I'm such a fool."

Prosecutors have called him a predator who used gifts and the draw of Penn State football to target boys with unstable family lives, a charge Sandusky said completely neglects the emotional side of his "very caring and giving" relationship with at least 10 troubled youths.

Although many of the 28 witnesses called by the defense vouched for his reputation, Sandusky noted that not one of them mentioned the sweeping, epic passion between him and his alleged victims—the tender moments and the establishment of deep, lasting emotional bonds he said are vital to an understanding of events.

"I've been forced to sit here and listen to my special memories of those nights in the showers be reduced to a series of wet rhythmic slapping sounds," Sandusky said. "Nothing about the way the steam made it a little wonderland, the elemental mood lent by the running water, the way I trembled—nothing. They made me sound like some sort of monster. I simply don't understand anything about this."

Sandusky maintained that had he been allowed to give testimony regarding his soaring, once-in-a-lifetime romance with several boys between 8 and 17, the jury would have been forced to admit that what he and the young men had was one for the ages.

"My lawyer said the jury wouldn't care about my emotions, about what I once felt for them or my heartbreak over what's become of us now," Sandusky said. "I guess in that way the jury's a lot like those boys are, huh? Because they don't care either, I guess. It's like they want to see me get hurt for some reason."

"I'm devastated, to be honest. I thought what we had was real. But it seems it was nothing more than sex to them," added Sandusky, his voice cracking as he shook his head. "Well, live, love, and learn, I always say. I guess that's just how kids are."


Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close