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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Sandwich From Television Commercial Spotted At Local Restaurant

HALFMOON, NY—Local lunch patrons were stunned Tuesday when they spotted the sandwich from a recent 30-second television commercial occupying the window booth at a nearby Arby's franchise. "I think that's the one from TV," said Denise Hudson, 37, adding that the chicken sandwich looked "way more crispy in person." "I didn't recognize it right away, but I did a double take as soon I saw that grilled kaiser roll with the provolone that's melted right onto the bacon." At press time, Hudson couldn't place the man sitting with the sandwich, but assumed he must be someone important.

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