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Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.
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Santorum Nostalgic For Time When Beliefs Were Outlandish Enough To Make Headlines

WASHINGTON—Wistfully recalling the prominence he had in previous campaign cycles, Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum told reporters Monday that he is nostalgic for a time when his beliefs were considered outlandish enough to make headlines. “I sure do miss the days when I could steal the spotlight just by saying that I believe birth control is wrong because sex must be procreative, or that Palestinians don’t actually exist,” said Santorum, lamenting that previous comments about not wanting to improve the lives of African Americans by “giving them somebody else’s money” made him sound like just another member of the 2016 GOP pack. “Back in 2003, capturing the media cycle for a few days was as easy as telling the press that I believe same-sex relationships are equivalent to man-on-dog sex. Now, even if that got reported, people would think it was Cruz, Rubio, or Carson half the time.” Santorum added that he was somewhat envious of fellow candidate Mike Huckabee, who had briefly garnered press attention by stating that a 10-year-old raped by her stepfather should be denied an abortion.


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Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

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