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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Saturn Probe To Be Biggest Story Of The Year

PASADENA, CA—A mere two weeks into the New Year, already what will undoubtedly be the biggest story of the year will have taken place: the upcoming Jan. 14 landing of the Huygens space probe on Titan, Saturn's immense moon. "The probe could impart invaluable clues about the evolution of our own planet, as Titan is the only moon in our solar system with a fully developed atmosphere," Jet Propulsion Laboratory spokesperson Dr. Gregory Bloom said. "Meanwhile, the Cassini orbiter will continue to photograph Saturn's other moons throughout the year, delivering what will assuredly be dazzling views, and possibly revealing more lunar atmospheres, or even new moons. It's exhilarating to be living in these incredible times." Asked whether the spacecraft's four-year tour of the Saturnian system might tell us more about how Saturn's rings were formed, Bloom became coy, saying, "You'll just have to wait until May, when Cassini will begin using radio occultation to estimate the size-distribution of ring particles."

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