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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.
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Saudi Executioner Thinks He Pulled Something In Shoulder During Last 10 Decapitations

AL MUZAHIMIYAH, SAUDI ARABIA—Complaining that he must have “tweaked it pretty good,” Saudi executioner Khalid al-Faraj told reporters Thursday that he thinks he pulled something in his shoulder during yesterday’s last 10 decapitations. “Around the seventh or eighth beheading I came around kind of awkwardly on my windup and heard this loud pop, and I knew immediately that something wasn’t right, ” said al-Faraj, adding that he attempted to ignore the dull pain spreading through his upper right arm and power through the rest of the executions, but he barely had enough strength left to make a clean slice on the final prisoner. “When I got home I took a few Aleve and put some Icy Hot on it, but this morning when I woke up I couldn’t even lift my arm and the pain had spread down to my elbow. I just hope the swelling goes down soon because I’ve got a pretty big slate on Monday.” Al-Faraj told reporters that, on the orders of his orthopedist, he would have to miss out on this weekend’s public stoning of a woman accused of adultery.

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