Savion Glover Taps His Way Out Of Another Speeding Ticket

In This Section

Vol 42 Issue 21

School Monitors Student Blogs

A school district in Illinois is going to monitor students’ blogs and MySpace profiles for "illegal and inappropriate behavior." What do you...

.xxx Rejected

ICANN, the U.S.-based corporation that assigns Internet domain names, rejected the designation ".xxx" earlier this month under pressure from...

May 26, 1996

Oprah Secedes from U.S., Forms Independent Nation Of Cheesecake-Eating Housewives
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Innovation

Fantasy Sports

Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

Savion Glover Taps His Way Out Of Another Speeding Ticket

WEEHAWKEN, NJ—Tony-Award-winning tap dancer Savion Glover was let off with his ninth warning in nine traffic stops after his "amazing flashing feet and sinuous steel-shoe syncopation" duly impressed the New Jersey state-trooper who pulled him over Sunday. "When I asked Mr. Glover for identification, he really showed me who he was—with tap!" said Officer Mark Galanas, who alleged that Glover was not impaired when he drove his BMW at 93 miles per hour in a posted 65 zone. "He promised to step lightly on the gas from now on, so I tore up his ticket. I can't write up a pure entertainer who can hoof it like that." Glover will, however, be charged for damage to state property, incurred when he tap-danced across the hood, roof, light-bar, and trunk of Galanas' police cruiser.
Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More