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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Savion Glover Taps His Way Out Of Another Speeding Ticket

WEEHAWKEN, NJ—Tony-Award-winning tap dancer Savion Glover was let off with his ninth warning in nine traffic stops after his "amazing flashing feet and sinuous steel-shoe syncopation" duly impressed the New Jersey state-trooper who pulled him over Sunday. "When I asked Mr. Glover for identification, he really showed me who he was—with tap!" said Officer Mark Galanas, who alleged that Glover was not impaired when he drove his BMW at 93 miles per hour in a posted 65 zone. "He promised to step lightly on the gas from now on, so I tore up his ticket. I can't write up a pure entertainer who can hoof it like that." Glover will, however, be charged for damage to state property, incurred when he tap-danced across the hood, roof, light-bar, and trunk of Galanas' police cruiser.

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