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Scandal: McCain Won Miss Congeniality Of U.S. Senate In 2000, 2003

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Cannon Overshoots Tim Kaine Across Wells Fargo Center

PHILADELPHIA—Noting that the vice presidential nominee had been launched nearly 100 feet into the air during his entrance into the Democratic National Convention Wednesday night, sources reported that the cannon at the back of the Wells Fargo Center had accidentally overshot Tim Kaine across the arena, sending him crashing to the stage several dozen feet beyond the erected safety net.

Who Is Tim Kaine?

Virginia senator Tim Kaine will be Hillary Clinton’s running mate on the Democratic Party ticket in the 2016 presidential election. Here’s what you need to know about Kaine

Lone Superdelegate Voting For Martin O’Malley Feels Like Total Fucking Idiot

PHILADELPHIA—Sheepishly raising his hand to nominate the man who suspended his presidential campaign back in February, unpledged delegate Bob Shiefke told reporters Tuesday he felt like a “total fucking idiot” for being the only person at the Democratic National Convention voting for former Maryland governor Martin O’Malley.

Michelle Obama: ‘Well, There Are 8 Years Of My Life I’ll Never Get Back’

PHILADELPHIA—Her face fixed in an expression of apathetic detachment as she took the stage Monday night to raucous cheers and applause, First Lady Michelle Obama reportedly began her address to the Democratic National Convention by exhaling audibly and remarking that she would never get the past eight years of her life back.
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Scandal: McCain Won Miss Congeniality Of U.S. Senate In 2000, 2003

WASHINGTON—Despite insisting several times during the first presidential debate that he had never won the U.S. Senate Miss Congeniality award due to his maverick, no-holds-barred legislating style, John McCain was recently revealed to have twice secured the much-coveted congressional superlative during his four terms in office. "This just proves that Sen. McCain is not only willing to lie to the American people, but that he is also perky, helpful, and exceedingly amiable around the Senate," said MSNBC political analyst Keith Olbermann of the documents that have recently come to light, including copies of both award certificates as well as photos of McCain handing out freshly baked cupcakes to the Senate Subcommittee on Appropriations. "American voters feel duped. This allegation runs completely counter to the gruff and unpredictable rebel persona that McCain has carefully cultivated." According to a statement released by the McCain campaign, the senator deeply regrets misleading the American public in regard to his bubbly personality, but remains proud of his seven consecutive U.S. Senate "Best In Swimsuit" wins.

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