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  • Child Visiting Ellis Island Sees Where Grandparents Once Toured

    ELLIS ISLAND, NY—Pausing to imagine the throngs of people who must have arrived with them that day back in 1994, 12-year-old Max Bertrand reportedly spent his visit to Ellis Island this afternoon walking around the same immigrant station his grandparents once toured.

Scandal: McCain Won Miss Congeniality Of U.S. Senate In 2000, 2003

WASHINGTON—Despite insisting several times during the first presidential debate that he had never won the U.S. Senate Miss Congeniality award due to his maverick, no-holds-barred legislating style, John McCain was recently revealed to have twice secured the much-coveted congressional superlative during his four terms in office. "This just proves that Sen. McCain is not only willing to lie to the American people, but that he is also perky, helpful, and exceedingly amiable around the Senate," said MSNBC political analyst Keith Olbermann of the documents that have recently come to light, including copies of both award certificates as well as photos of McCain handing out freshly baked cupcakes to the Senate Subcommittee on Appropriations. "American voters feel duped. This allegation runs completely counter to the gruff and unpredictable rebel persona that McCain has carefully cultivated." According to a statement released by the McCain campaign, the senator deeply regrets misleading the American public in regard to his bubbly personality, but remains proud of his seven consecutive U.S. Senate "Best In Swimsuit" wins.

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