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Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
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Scheduling Error Leads To First-Ever NCAA Final Five

INDIANAPOLIS—NCAA basketball championship organizers are scrambling to explain how multiple scheduling and selection errors have resulted in LSU, George Mason University, UCLA, Wyoming, and Florida State all advancing to the first Final Five showdown in the history of the tournament. "It is an embarrassment to the entire organization, and college sports in general, that this was allowed to happen—although all five teams played their hearts out in this tournament, from the initial bracket of 65 to last weekend's Nifty Nine," NCAA president Myles Brand said Wednesday, admitting that officials should have known something was wrong when Wyoming became the first No. 17 seed to make it to the final round. "We are still working out logistical difficulties for the final round in Indianapolis, but the NCAA guarantees that only one team will be named as champion, regardless of how many teams are involved in the actual championship game." Meanwhile, representatives of Duke University have stated that the Blue Devils would be happy to play any extra teams for the title if the NCAA thought it would help resolve the situation.

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