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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Scheduling Error Leads To First-Ever NCAA Final Five

INDIANAPOLIS—NCAA basketball championship organizers are scrambling to explain how multiple scheduling and selection errors have resulted in LSU, George Mason University, UCLA, Wyoming, and Florida State all advancing to the first Final Five showdown in the history of the tournament. "It is an embarrassment to the entire organization, and college sports in general, that this was allowed to happen—although all five teams played their hearts out in this tournament, from the initial bracket of 65 to last weekend's Nifty Nine," NCAA president Myles Brand said Wednesday, admitting that officials should have known something was wrong when Wyoming became the first No. 17 seed to make it to the final round. "We are still working out logistical difficulties for the final round in Indianapolis, but the NCAA guarantees that only one team will be named as champion, regardless of how many teams are involved in the actual championship game." Meanwhile, representatives of Duke University have stated that the Blue Devils would be happy to play any extra teams for the title if the NCAA thought it would help resolve the situation.

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Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

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