MADISON, WI—Saying that he is constantly offering words of encouragement and various pointers on maintaining a proper stance, sources confirmed Tuesday that no one at Damen’s Sports Complex appears to know a middle-aged man leaning against the batting cages giving people hitting advice.
INDIANAPOLIS—NCAA basketball championship organizers are scrambling to explain how multiple scheduling and selection errors have resulted in LSU, George Mason University, UCLA, Wyoming, and Florida State all advancing to the first Final Five showdown in the history of the tournament. "It is an embarrassment to the entire organization, and college sports in general, that this was allowed to happen—although all five teams played their hearts out in this tournament, from the initial bracket of 65 to last weekend's Nifty Nine," NCAA president Myles Brand said Wednesday, admitting that officials should have known something was wrong when Wyoming became the first No. 17 seed to make it to the final round. "We are still working out logistical difficulties for the final round in Indianapolis, but the NCAA guarantees that only one team will be named as champion, regardless of how many teams are involved in the actual championship game." Meanwhile, representatives of Duke University have stated that the Blue Devils would be happy to play any extra teams for the title if the NCAA thought it would help resolve the situation.