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New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
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School Board Acts To Remove Emotionally Disturbed Students

After a shooting at their high school, a school board in Granton, KS has enacted a new proactive plan for removing emotionally disturbed students from the school before tragedy can strike. The board has defined an emotionally disturbed student as one who:

  • Displays anti-social behavior, such as not playing sports or not clapping along with the cheerleaders during pep rallies
  • Listens to music other than Top 40, whether it be heavy metal, rap, techno, country, or classical
  • Wears clothing that is black or contains strange and disturbing non-Hollister imagery
  • Draws or writes poetry
  • Expresses a megalomaniacal belief that he or she is “smarter” than his classmates

Displaying at least two of the five defined characteristics will result in immediate expulsion.

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