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Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.

How To Combat Harassment Online

Online harassment is an increasingly contentious issue, with social media sites like Twitter and Reddit pressured to crack down on users’ abusive behavior. Here are The Onion’s tips for combating harassment online:

Strongside/Weakside: Deshaun Watson

After leading his team to victory in the College Football Playoff National Championship, Clemson University quarterback Deshaun Watson announced he would forgo his final year of eligibility and declare for the NFL Draft. Is he any good?

A Timeline Of Trump’s Relationship With The Press

President-elect Donald Trump routinely insists that he is treated unfairly by the press, while many in the news industry have openly expressed how difficult it can be to report on him in today’s chaotic media environment. Here is a timeline of the major events that have shaped this relationship.
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School Board Acts To Remove Emotionally Disturbed Students

After a shooting at their high school, a school board in Granton, KS has enacted a new proactive plan for removing emotionally disturbed students from the school before tragedy can strike. The board has defined an emotionally disturbed student as one who:

  • Displays anti-social behavior, such as not playing sports or not clapping along with the cheerleaders during pep rallies
  • Listens to music other than Top 40, whether it be heavy metal, rap, techno, country, or classical
  • Wears clothing that is black or contains strange and disturbing non-Hollister imagery
  • Draws or writes poetry
  • Expresses a megalomaniacal belief that he or she is “smarter” than his classmates

Displaying at least two of the five defined characteristics will result in immediate expulsion.

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