After Birth

Web Series Reaches 100 Views

A comedic webisode about two roommates became a viral sensation this week after reaching the unprecedented 100 view milestone.

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run
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School Teacher Not About To Risk Her Life For Derek

CLARKSVILLE, TN—Saying she felt no responsibility whatsoever to protect the 14-year-old student if it meant dying for the kid, local East Parkview High School history teacher Angela Wells told reporters today that in the event of a school shooting, she would likely not risk her own life to save that of freshman Derek Madison. “If it ever came down to it, there’s no way I’d jump in front of a gunman for that kid—I’m sorry, but he’s always late, he talks constantly during class, and frankly, he’s a poor student,” said Wells, who added that she “wouldn’t think twice” before shielding any other student with her own body. “Look, I have a husband and two children. I’m not going to sacrifice all that for someone who enjoys carving the word ‘faggot’ into desks with the sharp end of a compass. If we’re talking about Albert, Jessica, Carolyn, or Rodrigo, that’s a totally different story. But Derek? I just can’t see myself doing that.” Wells later added that if Derek were standing among a group of students being threatened by a gunman, she would strongly consider “just sacrificing the whole bunch of them.”

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