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20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.
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Scientists Find Link Between How Pathetic You Are, How Fast You Respond To Emails

CHICAGO—According to a study published this week in the Journal Of Contemporary Ethnography, scientists at the University of Chicago have established a definitive link between how promptly an individual responds to emails and how pathetic that person is as a human being. “Our research shows that, without exception, only the saddest and most pitiable individuals will reply to a new message in their inbox within moments of receiving it, whereas those who respond after an extended period—oftentimes up to multiple days—are invariably more socially adept, confident people,” said sociologist Daniel Moran, confirming that the length of time that passed between receiving a given work or personal email and sending a reply was directly correlated to the level of excitement, diversity, and fulfillment in that person’s life. “By simply noting how quickly it takes an acquaintance or colleague to respond to one’s online correspondence, email users can accurately assess what kind of person they're dealing with. And it goes without saying that those people who respond immediately to emails can safely be written off as miserable losers who are sadly hanging on every little message that gets sent their way.” Moran also added that the frequency with which one checked or refreshed their email account corresponded precisely to how empty that person felt inside.

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20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

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