adBlockCheck

Recent News

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
End Of Section
  • More News

Scientists Probably Discover A New Species Of Frog

They’re Always Doing That Kind Of Shit

WASHINGTON—In what is probably being hailed as some sort of groundbreaking discovery, sources confirmed Friday that scientists have most likely identified a new species of frog recently because that’s the type of shit they do all the time. “They’re always announcing some fucking shit about a new lizard or toad or something, so I bet they just came across a previously unknown breed of frog in some rainforest in Brazil or wherever,” said 29-year-old Pittsburgh resident Jake Morrell, adding that the newfound amphibian is “probably some weird color or has ultra-rare markings on it and blah, blah, blah.” “I bet the frog could contain the cure for a disease, too. Scientists always say stuff like that that when they announce these things.” At press time, a majority of Americans reportedly speculated that the frog is highly endangered, because isn’t that how this shit always goes?

More from this section

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close