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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Scientists Say Newly Discovered Earthlike Planet Could Support Robust Economy

SANTA CRUZ, CA—Astronomers at the University of California, Santa Cruz, announced Friday that preliminary studies of Gliese 581g, a habitable planet orbiting a red dwarf star 20 light-years away, indicate its conditions are perfect to support a booming economy. "With the possibility of a nitrogen-oxygen atmosphere, the likelihood of water sources, and no indication of local zoning laws or taxes, conditions on Gliese 581g are almost textbook≠perfect for the industrial sector," said Professor Steven S. Vogt, the planet's discoverer, adding that he would not be surprised to find the planet was well-suited to host basic forms of employment. "With its unmatched areas for growth, especially in the real estate and manufacturing fields, I would advise immediate investment." Vogt said that because the planet's gravity was conducive to human beings walking on its surface, he saw no reason why people from Earth wouldn't one day be able to invest in risky speculative bubbles on Gliese 581g that would drive the planet into complete economic free fall.

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