adBlockCheck

Recent News

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
End Of Section
  • More News

Scientists Theorize Sun Could Support Fire-Based Life

WASHINGTON—In an announcement that could forever change the way scientists study the hydrogen-based star, NASA researchers published a comprehensive study today theorizing that the sun may be capable of supporting fire-based lifeforms. “After extensive research, we have reason to believe that the sun may be habitable for fire-based life, including primitive single-flame microbes and more complex ember-like organisms capable of thriving under all manner of burning conditions,” lead investigator Dr. Steven T. Aukerman wrote, noting that the sun’s helium-rich surface of highly charged particles provides the perfect food source for fire-based lifeforms. “With a surface temperature of 10,000 degrees Fahrenheit and frequent eruptions of ionized gases flowing along strong magnetic fields, the sun is the first star we’ve seen with the right conditions to support fire organisms, and we believe there is evidence to support the theory that fire-bacteria, fire-insects, and even tiny fire-fish were once perhaps populous on the sun’s surface.” Scientists cautioned that despite the exciting possibilities of fire-life on the star, there are numerous logistical, moral, and ethical questions to resolve before scientists could even begin to entertain the possibility of putting fire-people on the sun.

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close