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Entertainment

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:

‘Winnie-The-Pooh’ Turns 90

Winnie-The-Pooh, the A.A. Milne series featuring a stuffed bear and his toy animal friends, debuted 90 years ago this week. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s nearly century-long run:

50 Years Of ‘Star Trek’

Star Trek, the science-fiction show about the crew of the starship Enterprise, premiered 50 years ago today on NBC, spawning a cult following and decades of spin-offs. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s 50-year history

How Big-Budget Movies Flop

Despite the recent box-office failures of Exodus, Ben-Hur, and Gods Of Egypt, studios continue to fund big-budget movies they hope will achieve blockbuster success. The Onion provides a step-by-step breakdown of how one of these movies becomes a flop:

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 30, 2016

ARIES: Sometimes in life, you just need to stop whatever it is you’re doing and take a step back. Actually, maybe it’s two steps back. Yeah, that’s good. Keep going. The stars will let you know when you’re far enough.

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 9, 2016

ARIES: Your life’s story will soon play out in front of movie theater audiences across the country, though it’ll only last about 30 seconds and advertise free soft drink refills in the main lobby.

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.

Guide To The Characters Of ‘The Force Awakens’

The highly anticipated seventh episode in the ‘Star Wars’ series, ‘The Force Awakens,’ which will be released December 18, will feature several returning characters as well as a host of new ones. Here is a guide to the characters of ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens.’

Robert De Niro Stunned To Learn Of Man Who Can Quote ‘Goodfellas’

‘Bring Him To Me,’ Actor Demands

NEW YORK—Immediately halting production on his latest project after hearing of the incredible talent, legendary actor Robert De Niro was reportedly stunned to learn Wednesday that Bayonne, NJ resident Eric Sullivan, 33, can quote the critically acclaimed 1990 Martin Scorsese film Goodfellas at length.

Timeline Of The James Bond Series

This week marks the release of the 24th film in the James Bond franchise, Spectre, featuring Daniel Craig in his fourth appearance as the British secret agent. Here are some notable moments from the film series’s 53-year history
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Entertainment

Scrappy Crew Of 'Good Morning America' Decides To Put On A News Show

The ragtag bunch.
The ragtag bunch.

NEW YORK—Saying they were bored and there was nothing fun to do in the ABC studios, the spunky crew of Good Morning America announced "really big plans" Thursday to write and broadcast their very own television news show all by themselves.

The cute little program, which will be produced without any help from any grown-ups, and which will feature important news, interviews with funny people, and also weather, will air Friday at 7 a.m.

"We're gonna write our own scripts and read from 'em and tell everyone in the whole world about stuff that's happening," said George Stephanopoulos, who led the plucky band of lovable scamps and had everybody line up to try their best newscaster voice. "I'm gonna talk about the president."

Added Stephanopoulous, "You'll see. We'll be just like a real news show."

According to ABC sources, the scrappy Good Morning America crew has already begun preparing for their big morning news show, with Robin Roberts organizing the group of happy-go-lucky rascals into teams and ordering them to borrow fancy suits from their parents and gather up as much news as they could find.

Juju Chang was reportedly placed in charge of making sure the boy anchors combed their hair nicely to the side.

Robin Roberts practices her part over and over and over until she's the best in the world.

"This is going to be so much fun!" said Sam Champion, 48, who looked just like a little man in his blue grown-up suit and told reporters that he would be interviewing zookeeper Jack Hanna on the show. "I already have all of my questions ready, like five thousand hundred of them, and they said I could use a microphone when I talk about all the different animals."

"But I have to be careful, also, when I pet the little baby koalas," Champion added. "They're delicate!"

While certain segments have already been confirmed—including the Hanna interview and a weather piece in which Chang will talk about the clouds and sun and point to pictures of the clouds and the sun, much of the two-hour broadcast has yet to be determined.

According to sources, Stephanopoulos has decided to fill some of that time by having Robin Roberts file a report on a suicide- bombing attack that killed 23 in Pakistan this month, but told her not to worry if she did not understand what it was about, stressing that it was more important for her to make a sad face when talking about it.

"I'm going to do a good job and talk about very important news events for probably over a whole minute," Roberts said. "I'll also say the words nice and clear so people can understand me, and I'm not going to giggle even once, I swear."

With only minutes to showtime and Sam Champion needing to use the bathroom, many at ABC remained skeptical that the plucky band of ne'er-do-wells has what it takes to make their broadcast work. Still, some are pulling for them.

"They might not be the most capable or the most informed, but I'll be darned if they aren't adorable trying so hard," ABC News president David Westin said. "Robin and George especially were just as cute as a button when they came marching into my office with all of their grown-up ideas. They seemed so excited about putting on a real news show."

Executive producer Tom Cibrowski agreed.

"It was absolutely precious how they wanted to do a piece about the Haitian earthquake right before a segment on low-fat additions to ice cream sundaes," Cibrowski said. "If anyone else tried that it would probably come off as insulting or in poor taste, but you can't get mad at these little guys. They don't even know what they're doing up there."

"Everyone should make sure and tell them they did a good job," Cibrowski continued. "And that they should be proud of themselves."

Good Morning America is expected to be viewed by 4.68 million real, actual people.

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