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Scrappy Underdog Yankees Refusing To Go Away

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Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?

Former WWE Wrestler Found Alive At 44

PHOENIX—In a revelation that has sent shockwaves through the wrestling world, sources confirmed that former WWE wrestler Freddy Hendricks, better known as his in-ring persona “Time Bomb,” was discovered alive Friday at the age of 44.

Strongside/Weakside: Dak Prescott

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Study: 96% Of Pickup Games Decided By Next Score

PRINCETON, NJ—Noting that none of the game’s earlier events factored into the final outcome in any way whatsoever, a study released Wednesday by researchers at Princeton University revealed that 96 percent of all pickup games are decided by the next score.

Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.
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Scrappy Underdog Yankees Refusing To Go Away

NEW YORK—Though they were written off at the beginning of the season, the underdog New York Yankees refuse to succumb to their obvious lack of money and talent and have managed to put together a six-game winning streak to remain in contention with the far superior Boston Red Sox. "What you are seeing right now from the Yankees is pure heart, because honestly, that's all this team's really got," said ESPN columnist Buster Olney, adding that the team's unwillingness to quit a battle that is basically unwinnable should serve as an inspiration. "They have a shortstop who can barely field a ground ball, a pitcher who is close to 50, and catcher who has never really been that good at baseball. If they keep this up, we could be witnessing the makings of a modern-day miracle." According to Olney, although the Yankees' recent success is a welcome change, their struggles should be an sign to Commissioner Bud Selig that revenue sharing in the major leagues is not working.

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