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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Screaming Albert Pujols Warns Baserunner Not To Step On His Herb Garden

ST. LOUIS—Cardinals first baseman Albert Pujols frantically waved his arms and shouted several warnings at Cubs outfielder Milton Bradley Sunday while attempting to prevent the base runner from trampling a cultivated section of the first base line containing his recently planted herb garden. "The dill, thyme, and cilantro have just started to sprout, and they're far too delicate at this stage to just get stomped on," said Pujols, adding that he was strongly considering plans to rope off the area. "All I ask is that people are respectful and watch where they're running, since I did all the planting, weeding, fertilizing, and watering. Guys like Bradley are exactly why we can't have a pumpkin patch anymore." According to Cardinals players, the two-time NL MVP had a similar outburst in 2007 when relief pitcher Ryan Franklin forgot to shut the bullpen gate and allowed several of Pujols' pigs to escape.

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Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

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