The Onion's movie critic Peter K. Rosenthal looks back at 'Saving Private Ryan' in this week's Film Standard.
SEATTLEShaun Alexander needs only five touchdowns to break the NFL's single-season record of 27, a mark set by Priest Holmes in 2003 and one that has become more meaningless each year since Emmitt Smith scored 25 during the 1995 season. "Shaun is having an amazing year, and should also be moderately satisfied that he's come this close to breaking one of the most increasingly attainable records in all of sports," said Sports Illustrated football analyst Peter King. "But as great as Alexander isfast, physical, durable, the total packageyou have to give equal credit to the Seahawk's lousy passing offense, a league-wide plague of conservative and unimaginative game plans, and a universal talent drought at the linebacker and safety positions. Five years from now, someone will score 33 touchdowns, and their one-dimensional team will lose in the playoffs, too." King added that, although an impressive 30 touchdowns would see Alexander break Paul Hornung's 45-year-old single season-scoring record, contemporary teams do in fact play four more games a year.