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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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Seahawks To Seattle Fans: ‘Shut The Fuck Up’

SEATTLE—Claiming the message was long overdue, players for the Seattle Seahawks issued a group statement Thursday imploring the team’s passionate, vocal fan base to shut the fuck up. “Hey, assholes, shut the fuck up and stop running your fucking mouths,” running back Marshawn Lynch said on behalf of the Seahawks roster, emphasizing that he and his fellow teammates have grown “sick and fucking tired” of hearing fans talk up the team at every available opportunity. “Yeah, we’re a good team and we’re having a good season. But that doesn’t mean you dickheads need to be constantly talking shit about us being the Super Bowl favorites and saying that no other team will have a chance against us for years to come. And just so we’re absolutely clear, you dumbasses aren’t ‘the 12th man,’ either. So just shut the fuck up already. Seriously, shut the fuck up.” Lynch added that fans also need to shut the fuck up when attending CenturyLink Field for this Sunday’s NFC Championship matchup against the San Francisco 49ers, calling the excessive crowd noise produced during Seahawks home games both “annoying” and “massively disrespectful.”

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Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

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