Sean O'Hair Gains Revenge By Angrily Masturbating To Tiger Woods' Wife

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Tiger Woods

Tiger Woods, Lindsey Vonn Blame Breakup On Hectic Sex Lives

JUPITER ISLAND, FL—Explaining that the pressures of their day-to-day commitments had given them no other choice but to end their three-year relationship, golf star Tiger Woods and Olympic skier Lindsey Vonn released a joint statement Wednesday blaming their breakup on their hectic sex lives.

Terms Of Tiger's Divorce

Former super-couple Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren are making it official with one of the highest-profile divorces in sports. Here's how it will work:

Tiger Woods Announces Return To Sex

PONTE VEDRA BEACH, FL—In an announcement highly anticipated by sex fans around the world, Tiger Woods told a small gathering of reporters, family, and lovers Friday that the most dominant fornicator on the planet would soon return to sex.

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Despite one great come-from-behind tournament win, Tiger Woods has not been the same golfer since returning from surgery. Some signs he's not...

Tiger Woods

Tiger Woods may be the greatest golfer of all time, but how great does that make him?

Tiger Woods Putts Baby Into Diaper

ORLANDO, FL—Tiger Woods added yet another accomplishment to his already outstanding résumé Sunday when the 13-time major winner successfully putted his baby daughter, five-month-old Sam Alexis Woods, into a fresh Huggies...

Tiger Woods Reveals He Is Zach Johnson

AUGUSTA, GA—World No. 1-ranked golfer Tiger Woods, after appearing to struggle through the weekend—playing with uncharacteristic inconsistency, bogeying twice in the final rounds, and breaking clubs—shocked the crowd at Augusta...

Nike's $100 Million Man

Tiger Woods recently signed a fiv-year, $100 million contract with Nike. What are the conditions of Wood's contract?
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Sean O'Hair Gains Revenge By Angrily Masturbating To Tiger Woods' Wife

ORLANDO, FL—In a blatantly retaliatory act of self-gratification, Sean O'Hair avenged his disappointing loss in the Arnold Palmer Invitational by fiercely masturbating to the image of Elin Nordegren Woods from under the covers of his hotel bed Sunday. "See how you like it when I come from behind," said O'Hair, rubbing his penis furiously with his still-gloved hand while imagining the naked mother of Tiger Woods' children. "You might think I'm stuck in your bunker, but I'll find the hole and I'll get it in on the first try. And afterwards I'm going to use your lovely mouth as a ball washer." Sources close to O'Hair report that it took him fewer strokes to ejaculate than Tiger Woods.

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