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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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Sean Spicer Announces There Only Enough Time Left In Career For Couple More Questions

WASHINGTON—Urging the assembled reporters to move things along, White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer announced at a press conference Thursday that there was only enough time left in his career for a couple more questions. “We’re going to have to wrap this up soon, folks,” said Spicer, adding that he could only call on three or four more journalists before being forced to tender his resignation or summarily dismissed. “I’m just about done working here, so why don’t we jump right in? If you have any questions that I don’t get to, please hold onto them and my successor will follow up with you, assuming my position isn’t eliminated entirely.” At press time, Spicer had refused to directly answer each of the final questions he was asked.

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