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Seattle Mariners Hope Jesus Montero Can Get Good Enough To One Day Sign With Yankees

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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Seattle Mariners Hope Jesus Montero Can Get Good Enough To One Day Sign With Yankees

SEATTLE—Introducing former Yankee farmhand Jesus Montero to the media Friday, the Seattle Mariners said they have high expectations for the newly acquired catching prospect, a player they hope will eventually become great enough to desert them for a hefty free-agent contract with the New York Yankees. "It is every baseball executive's dream to spend years developing a talented young man so he can then be poached by the Yankees at the peak of his ability with a disgustingly high offer you cannot possibly match," beamed Mariners general manager Jack Zduriencik, who presented Montero with both a Mariners jersey and a future Yankees jersey he might one day wear, complete with a patch mourning the death of Yogi Berra. "We'll miss Michael Pineda, but we hope Jesus can join him one day and they will win lots of world championships for the Yankees together." Zduriencik also said he will commit suicide as soon as he secures a pension for his family.

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