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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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Seattle Mariners Hope Jesus Montero Can Get Good Enough To One Day Sign With Yankees

SEATTLE—Introducing former Yankee farmhand Jesus Montero to the media Friday, the Seattle Mariners said they have high expectations for the newly acquired catching prospect, a player they hope will eventually become great enough to desert them for a hefty free-agent contract with the New York Yankees. "It is every baseball executive's dream to spend years developing a talented young man so he can then be poached by the Yankees at the peak of his ability with a disgustingly high offer you cannot possibly match," beamed Mariners general manager Jack Zduriencik, who presented Montero with both a Mariners jersey and a future Yankees jersey he might one day wear, complete with a patch mourning the death of Yogi Berra. "We'll miss Michael Pineda, but we hope Jesus can join him one day and they will win lots of world championships for the Yankees together." Zduriencik also said he will commit suicide as soon as he secures a pension for his family.

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Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

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