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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Seattle Mariners Hope Jesus Montero Can Get Good Enough To One Day Sign With Yankees

SEATTLE—Introducing former Yankee farmhand Jesus Montero to the media Friday, the Seattle Mariners said they have high expectations for the newly acquired catching prospect, a player they hope will eventually become great enough to desert them for a hefty free-agent contract with the New York Yankees. "It is every baseball executive's dream to spend years developing a talented young man so he can then be poached by the Yankees at the peak of his ability with a disgustingly high offer you cannot possibly match," beamed Mariners general manager Jack Zduriencik, who presented Montero with both a Mariners jersey and a future Yankees jersey he might one day wear, complete with a patch mourning the death of Yogi Berra. "We'll miss Michael Pineda, but we hope Jesus can join him one day and they will win lots of world championships for the Yankees together." Zduriencik also said he will commit suicide as soon as he secures a pension for his family.

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