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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.
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Seattle's Disastrous Sports Year Continues With Addition Of Major League Soccer Team

SEATTLE—After witnessing its baseball team finish in last place, its NFL team break its streak of five straight playoff appearances, and its NBA team leave for Oklahoma City, Seattle received another blow with the addition of a new Major League Soccer franchise, the Sounders FC.

"I mean, I sat through all 11 of the Huskies' losses, but this is worse than any of that," said Seattle resident Dusty Warren, who watched in resignation as the MLS expansion draft aired on a nearby television. "People will be wearing those jerseys and making up stupid chants for weeks before they realize they've been had. It's almost as insulting as when that WNBA team won the title." The mood in the city darkened even further when partial Sounders owner Drew Carey pledged to be a visible presence around the team and perform throughout the city year-round.

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