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Seattle's Disastrous Sports Year Continues With Addition Of Major League Soccer Team

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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Seattle's Disastrous Sports Year Continues With Addition Of Major League Soccer Team

SEATTLE—After witnessing its baseball team finish in last place, its NFL team break its streak of five straight playoff appearances, and its NBA team leave for Oklahoma City, Seattle received another blow with the addition of a new Major League Soccer franchise, the Sounders FC.

"I mean, I sat through all 11 of the Huskies' losses, but this is worse than any of that," said Seattle resident Dusty Warren, who watched in resignation as the MLS expansion draft aired on a nearby television. "People will be wearing those jerseys and making up stupid chants for weeks before they realize they've been had. It's almost as insulting as when that WNBA team won the title." The mood in the city darkened even further when partial Sounders owner Drew Carey pledged to be a visible presence around the team and perform throughout the city year-round.

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