Second-Person Narrative Enthralling You

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Vol 48 Issue 46

Sunday, November 18

Smelly Randall will be in Roosevelt Park yelling at pigeons from 3 p.m. to 5 p.m., after which he’ll hold a brief Q&A.

Cool New Lakers Coach Doesn't Make Team Play Defense

LOS ANGELES—The mood in the Los Angeles Lakers’ locker room was upbeat this morning as players were reportedly enthusiastic about new head coach Mike D’Antoni’s policy of never forcing them to play any defense whatsoever.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Fun

  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Holiday

Second-Person Narrative Enthralling You

CHICAGO—In a piece of writing that had you intrigued from the very first clause, a second-person narrative you are reading right at this very moment is absolutely captivating you, sources reported. “Wow, I can’t believe this is happening,” you are thinking as you move through the narrative, which at first merely piqued your interest but is now completely and utterly taking hold of you, leaving you breathless with amazement. “This is incredible. Look how seamlessly my own reactions and emotions are being channeled into this marvelous piece of writing. I am absolutely eating it up.” At press time, after having delighted in a verbatim transcription of your own inner monologue, you have gained a renewed appreciation of the publication in which it is appearing, and your only regret is that its latest masterwork must now, regrettably, come to an end.

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