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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Second-Person Narrative Enthralling You

CHICAGO—In a piece of writing that had you intrigued from the very first clause, a second-person narrative you are reading right at this very moment is absolutely captivating you, sources reported. “Wow, I can’t believe this is happening,” you are thinking as you move through the narrative, which at first merely piqued your interest but is now completely and utterly taking hold of you, leaving you breathless with amazement. “This is incredible. Look how seamlessly my own reactions and emotions are being channeled into this marvelous piece of writing. I am absolutely eating it up.” At press time, after having delighted in a verbatim transcription of your own inner monologue, you have gained a renewed appreciation of the publication in which it is appearing, and your only regret is that its latest masterwork must now, regrettably, come to an end.

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