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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Secretary Cracks Under Administration Of Third Raspberry Margarita

ARLINGTON HEIGHTS, IL—Wintrust Financial secretary Kerry Jorgenson finally succumbed to coworker Charlotte Franze's interrogation after the administration of a third raspberry margarita at Champ's Dugout Monday. "No, Helen wasn't really sick last week—she and her husband are in counseling," a tipsy Jorgenson told Franze after slurping up the last few drops of her Razzmatazz. "And Jeffrey in tech support? Queer as a $3 bill. He and his 'roommate' are taking a trip to Florence together." Coworkers announced plans to re-administer margaritas at some point in the future, to coax Jorgenson into confirming their suspicions that their supervisor Jack Doogan gets Botox injections.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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