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Secretary Of The Ulterior Clearly Vying For Better Cabinet Position

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Trump Casually Informs Pence He Going To Make One Or Two Appearances During Speech

CLEVELAND—Pulling his running mate aside backstage at the Republican National Convention just minutes before the Indiana governor was scheduled to formally accept the party’s vice presidential nomination, GOP candidate Donald Trump casually informed Mike Pence that he would probably make one or two quick appearances during the Midwestern conservative’s headlining speech tonight.

‘Heed My Tragic Story Well, Friends, For You Could Just As Easily Be Me,’ Says Chris Christie In Haunting RNC Speech

CLEVELAND—A thrall sweeping over the assembled GOP officials and party members Tuesday as he recounted his chilling tale of hubris, New Jersey governor Chris Christie reportedly entreated those at the Republican National Convention to consider the sad story of his own dizzying rise and ignominious fall, offering a bitter warning to all in attendance that his terrible fate could befall any one of them.
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Secretary Of The Ulterior Clearly Vying For Better Cabinet Position

WASHINGTON—Following a Monday morning staff meeting, White House sources said it has become clear that Department of the Ulterior head Arthur Killen is jockeying for a higher-ranking cabinet position. "I thought I'd bring in some gourmet coffee cake today—no reason, really, I just know how everyone loves a nice coffee cake," Killen was overheard saying moments after he explained to Rahm Emanuel that he "had no idea" how a report addressing wasteful spending in the Department of Energy had ended up in the chief of staff's briefcase. "Where is [current Energy Secretary] Steven [Chu]? Oh, he's out of town today? Boy, he's really been missing a lot of work lately, hasn't he?" White House press secretary Robert Gibbs said it is unlikely Killen will be promoted, as the ulterior secretary's latest actions have once again proved he is ideally suited for his current position.

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