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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Secretary Of Transportation Spends 3 Hours Cleaning Up Wikipedia Page On Roundabouts

WASHINGTON—Grumbling that “it doesn’t take any longer to get this stuff right than it does to get it wrong,” Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood reportedly spent three hours this weekend proofreading, correcting, and in some cases rewriting Wikipedia’s error-riddled roundabout entry. “Oh, come on, who edits this stuff?” said LaHood, shaking his head while deleting a “completely erroneous” paragraph from the section on marked-perimeter cycle lanes. “Someone who didn’t know any better could read this and come away thinking a roundabout is no different than a dumbbell interchange. If you’re going to write about this stuff, you owe it to the public to get it right. I’m afraid to even click on the cloverleaf page.” Sources confirmed that after adding an entirely new paragraph on recommended signaling etiquette, LaHood updated the secretary of transportation entry to note in its first sentence that holders of the office are 14th in the line of presidential succession.

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