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Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
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Secretary Of Transportation Worried He’s Not Living Up To Legacy Of Claude S. Brinegar

WASHINGTON—Calling himself a pale shadow of his storied predecessor, U.S. Secretary of Transportation Anthony Foxx admitted to reporters Friday that he often worries whether he’ll ever be able to live up to the monumental legacy left by Claude S. Brinegar. “I try my best everyday to ensure a safe and efficient nationwide transportation system, but there are days when I just stop and think, ‘Who am I kidding? I’m no Brinegar and I never will be,’” said Foxx, adding that the “legendary” third chief of the U.S. Department of Transportation set an impressive and “humbling” standard for administering the nation’s transportation policies that no subsequent transportation secretary has ever been able to match, let alone best. “We’re talking about Claude Stout Brinegar here, for God’s sake. The man who tackled price gouging in the fuel industry, expanded commercial air service between the U.S. and the Soviet Union, and navigated this country through the 1973 oil embargo. I mean, what chance do I stand against a legacy like that?” Foxx added that he can at least take consolation in the fact that he’s already “kicking the shit out of [14th Secretary of Transportation] Norman Mineta.”

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Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

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