Seemingly Mentally Ill Internet Commenter Presumably Functions In Outside World

In This Section

Vol 49 Issue 34

Breaking Bad

AMC 9 p.m. EDT/8 p.m. CDT LeVar Burton takes children out to a river, where they catch rainbow trout and try to discern the fish’s personality just by how it flops around on the shore.

Monday, September 2

Due to budget cuts, beginning next week the library is replacing Movie Mondays with Blondie Comic–Reading Mondays.

$80,000 Wedding Beautiful

The Obama family adopts a 44-Year-Old Portuguese water man, a report shows that employers know within the first five minutes whether or not they will murder an applicant, and well, the neighbors just got a pitbull.

Chuck Klosterman Corners Guy At Party Wearing Dio Shirt

NEW YORK—Author Chuck Klosterman reportedly cornered a guy who was wearing a Dio shirt at a party Thursday evening and dominated an exhaustive discussion on the metal band, addressing the group’s fantasy themes, deconstructing lyrics, and expo...

Ben Affleck To Play Batman

The president of Warner Bros. announced yesterday that Ben Affleck will play the role of Batman in the 2015 sequel to this summer’s Man of Steel, in which Batman will join forces with Superman.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Advertising

  • Sports Drink Company Putting First Advertisement On Moon

    Japanese pharmaceutical company Otsuka has announced plans to put their sports drink Pocari Sweat on the moon in a specially equipped container bearing their logo, which, if successful, would be the first time a commercial product has been flown to the mo...

Race Relations

Seemingly Mentally Ill Internet Commenter Presumably Functions In Outside World

Sources say that web user DaemonX is most likely just a normal guy, like this, who lives in a house and clothes himself.
Sources say that web user DaemonX is most likely just a normal guy, like this, who lives in a house and clothes himself.

WASHINGTON—Though his incoherent, deeply uninformed, and often abusive internet comments seem to suggest he suffers from severe mental illness, web user DaemonX is in all likelihood a normal individual capable of functioning in the outside world, sources reported Wednesday.

Noting that he must at least own a computer, know how to use it, and possess the basic skills required to publish his thoughts on numerous websites and forums, internet users said DaemonX—the username of a person who posts dozens of inane and delusional comments online every day—is presumably a stable member of society.

“Clearly this guy has a working internet connection, so he must have some way of paying the bills, which I guess means he’s holding down a job,” said John Winegar, 34, reading YouTube comments from DaemonX that reportedly contained threats, profanity, and extremely forced sexual innuendos that make no sense to anyone. “If he lived with his parents or in some kind of mental health facility, surely someone would stop him from going online and making so many inexplicable and racially charged statements.”

“I can only assume this is an ordinary, sane individual who has a home, goes shopping, cooks dinner, and pays taxes like anyone else,” he added.

Suggestions that DaemonX could simply be a crazed vagrant using the internet at a public library have largely been dismissed, with Twitter users noting that his needlessly vulgar and aggressive tweets personally attacking “fat fuck” celebrities and other people he has never met often occur as late as 2 a.m.

Sources have also confirmed that DaemonX, whose comments on a recent Slate story headlined “The Hard Truth About Obesity” included “Obesity makes ME hard lol” and “Fuk Obama, take your camels back 2 Africa,” must at least possess the mental faculties necessary to have registered with the news website and have kept track of his username and password for each subsequent login.

Further evidence indicates the seemingly psychotic man probably lives in a house with four walls, a roof, and working utilities, drives a car on the same streets everyone else drives on, and is capable of routinely engaging in measured, straightforward face-to-face conversations with coworkers.

“His profile picture shows him with an arm around a smiling woman who appears to be his wife or girlfriend, so I guess he’s in a long-term relationship,” 27-year-old Facebook user Michelle Fairly said of the man who regularly comments “Bitch make me a sandwich” under news stories involving public figures who happen to be female. “Other photos show him with a 5-year-old girl—maybe she’s a daughter, maybe she’s a niece, but either way, we’re talking about a person who has a family and spends time with them.”

“Jesus Christ, this man may actually be responsible for the lives of young children,” she added while viewing a DaemonX comment on Reddit that simply read “Luv it when the internet is butthurt.” “That’s fucking scary.”

Online hints to his place of residence—found in his criticism of a local Thai restaurant whose food was delivered by a “lazy p.o.s. AZN that needs to learn English” and an Instagram photo of a neighborhood dog he described as “herp derp herp derp herp derp herp derp”—suggest DaemonX apparently lives on a residential street like any other in America and is not currently institutionalized.

As a result, sources added, the man who has claimed on numerous occasions to be the “only 1 who makes any fucking sense, fuck u if ur 2 stupid to take it” presumably interacts freely with dozens of citizens per day without any monitoring whatsoever.

“The scariest thing is knowing that DaemonX isn’t the only one out there,” an anonymous internet user told reporters in an email statement. “There r so many crazy fucking nutsoz in this world that it makes me want to shoot everyone. Those faggots can go die.”

“Fucking faggits,” he added.

Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More