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Seemingly Shy Woman Really Just Stuck-Up, Friends Say

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WASHINGTON—Saying his wife of 24 years had already sacrificed so much for the sake of his career and that it was time to return the favor, Barack Obama announced Wednesday his resignation as president of the United States of America, effective immediately, following news that Michelle Obama had landed her dream job in Seattle.

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Seemingly Shy Woman Really Just Stuck-Up, Friends Say

WESTWOOD, CA–Mandy King, whose quiet, distant manner has led many people to believe she is shy, is actually just an aloof, stuck-up bitch, friends of the 22-year-old reported Monday. "When you meet Mandy, your first impression is that she's a private person who's only at ease with people once she gets to know them," friend and roommate Alison Henke said. "That's not it at all: She'll only deign to talk to a select group of people who are worth her precious time and attention."

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