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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.
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Seemingly Shy Woman Really Just Stuck-Up, Friends Say

WESTWOOD, CA–Mandy King, whose quiet, distant manner has led many people to believe she is shy, is actually just an aloof, stuck-up bitch, friends of the 22-year-old reported Monday. "When you meet Mandy, your first impression is that she's a private person who's only at ease with people once she gets to know them," friend and roommate Alison Henke said. "That's not it at all: She'll only deign to talk to a select group of people who are worth her precious time and attention."

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